Throwback Thursday

Aug28

I love Throwback Thursdays. It’s a trend on social media that’s taken on a life of its own, a chance to look back and share a photo, a video, a memory from years past.

Kind of like this..

September of 2006. On the road with the KETV Sports Crew covering the Huskers in Los Angeles at the Coliseum.

All of my friends in this picture, photojournalists Mike Richard and Jim Healey, and legendary sportsman Jon Schuetz, have all since moved on to new adventures! But I can still remember, eight years ago, Assistant News Director Vonn Jones coming up to me in the newsroom and asking ‘you want to go to LA and cover the USC game?’

YES. YES I DO.

Covering the Huskers has been one of my favorite parts of my job at KETV. There’s just something magical about the minutes before the game starts, positive energy radiating from tens of thousands of fans, and literally feeling vibrations from the roar of Memorial Stadium after that first touchdown.

This year, as part of our award-winning Big Red Zone coverage with Sports Director Andy Kendeigh, Thor Tripp and our Husker experts Sean Callahan and Damon Benning, I get to share a series of stories we are dubbing ‘Throwback Thursday: The Husker Edition.” Who are your favorite Nebraska players? And where are they now?

I’m hoping to cover all the eras, the big names you know and remember. Some, like Damon, have become well known off the football field years after hanging up their cleats. (Damon, for example, is currently a sidelines reporter for the Big 10 Network and a Sports Talk Radio host on 1620 The Zone with Gary Sharp.) Others have moved on in less public ways, off Husker Nation’s radar but certainly not out of fans’ memories. Kenny Walker, who made national headlines at Nebraska when he became one of only a handful of deaf players to play in the NFL, now coaches hard-of-hearing high school students in Colorado. Lawrence Phillips, famous for his athletic ability at Nebraska and infamous for his criminal activity, is now serving a 31-year prison sentence for assault in California. CJ Zimmerer, the brainchild behind the now iconic ‘Team Jack’ touchdown run that brought millions to tears, is a juvenile probation officer in Sarpy County.

We kick off Throwback Thursdays with a Husker Fan Favorite in recent years, 2005-2006 quarterback Zac Taylor.

Thanks to Nebraska Athletics for the photo!

When I first pitched this crazy Throwback Thursday idea to Andy, along with a list of potential former players to follow up with, Andy noted this about Zac Taylor: Tough (NFL Assistant). Taylor is in the beginning of his third year coaching quarterbacks with the Miami Dolphins. Still, Zac Taylor was the first former Husker to respond when I contacted him.

“I wish I would’ve been able to meet more people,” Taylor told me by phone from Miami. “Just to travel out in the state and get more opportunities to affect more people.”

Click here for KETV’s Throwback Thursday piece with Zac Taylor!

Taylor only played two years at Nebraska, but in that short time, arguably made a huge impact on the team and the program. During one of his favorite games, against Texas A&M in 2006, Taylor broke both the all-time career passing record and the single-season touchdown pass record. He would later be named the Big 12 Offensive Player of the Year.

Nebraska won the Big 12 North that year, a highpoint of the Bill Callahan Era of Nebraska Football. Taylor, who still holds several individual offensive records in passing at Nebraska, was the team leader.

His passion for the game never dwindled after college; Taylor moved to Texas and was hired as an assistant coach at Texas A&M. He calls his move to the NFL a few years later ‘exciting’.

“I hadn’t played in the NFL, only been briefly associated with the team, really didn’t know what to expect,” said Taylor. “What I’ve learned is this team and this organization is full of professionals who love football as much as I do, so it’s been a real pleasure working with the Dolphins.”

Taylor says he still watches Nebraska football, whether it be from a hotel on the road with the Dolphins, or at home with his wife, Sarah, and their two boys. The University and the football team will always have special meaning for the couple; it’s where they met ten years ago. Back then, Sarah Sherman was a grad assistant in media relations. Taylor still remembers seeing his wife for the first time at his first practice at Nebraska.

“She would come to practice, after practice, and grab players for interviews,” said Taylor.

As for the Huskers, Taylor says Coach Pelini’s done a great job and that his players enjoy playing for him.

“We played them at Texas A&M a few years ago and it was one of the most disciplined, toughest defenses we faced,” said Taylor.

And for those players getting ready to take the field this season, Taylor has a message.

“Soak up every moment and embrace the fans,” said Taylor. “It truly is a great thing to play for all of those people.”

Good luck this season, #13!

Click here to learn more about Zac Taylor, via Nebraska Athletics.

***

Next week’s Throwback Thursday Husker.. Class of 2007, Bo Ruud

Witnessing History

Jul28

One of my favorite things about being a journalist is what we get to see, hear, WITNESS. As a student of history, this is invaluable to me. You can read about things in books, you can watch things on TV, but only a few get to be there as history happens and share those stories. Sometimes, though, as journalists we witness events so remarkable, tragic and overwhelming, the moments never really leave us. We close our eyes and can still see and feel what happened the day we covered the story.

For KETV’s Managing Editor Jim Reding, those moments happened on July 19, 1989, when United Flight 232 crashed in Sioux City, Iowa.

25 years ago this month, Jim watched with his own eyes as that plane and the hundreds of people aboard cartwheeled down the runway. His coworker captured the crash on camera, video that was later seen by millions and endlessly analyzed by aviation experts. Jim shared the stories of the survivors, the heroes, and the 112 people who died that day.

Here is Jim’s account of Flight 232.

***

Summer of ’89, Jim Reding was the 10pm producer at KTIV in Sioux City and on July 19, had just started his shift. The news broke around 2 or 2:30 of an Alert 3.

“We knew the plane had lost all hydraulics somewhere near Storm Lake, Iowa,” said Jim. “Our assignment editor at the time sent Dave Boxum, a reporter/photographer, straight to the airport. I got in a van with Cathy Egan, a reporter, and we were heading to Highway 20 east of Sioux City. We were told the plane was going to try and land on Highway 20.”

Within minutes, Jim and Cathy got word that the pilot was going to try and land at the Sioux Gateway Airport. The two took the first exit they could and headed that way.

“We spotted the plane coming over Southern Hills Mall,” said Jim. “It was flying so low, and it was so strange to see this large plane barely above the buildings and tree tops. I sped up, and got nervous that I wouldn’t get a shot of it landing. Just as we were parallel with the airport, the plane was coming right over us. I remember one of us saying, ‘God, please let the plane land safely’. As it went over our heads, it then cleared the Air National Guard building and the next thing we saw was the explosion and the plane rolling off the runway. I know we both yelled or screamed.”

Jim, knowing his coworker, Dave, was already at the airport somewhere, drove as fast as he could from where he was on I-29. He found Dave directly at the fence south of the runway where the plane had crashed.

“As I got out of the van I asked Dave if he got video of it,” said Jim. “He said, ‘I think so’.”

A still photo from Dave Boxum’s video, taken as Flight 232 crashed in Sioux City.

Jim, Dave and Cathy immediately got to work, setting up equipment on top of the van to try and see what was going on.

“There was so much debris and parts of the plane strewn all over,” said Jim. “The airport firefighters were already on the scene and more fire departments and first responders were arriving. That’s when I saw a Red Cross van driving towards the entrance and recognized the driver. I told Dave to relieve me on top of the van and I would take his camera gear and try to get access to the crash site. I distinctly remember the feeling that we wanted to have a camera rolling at all times on the scene.”

Photo by the Sioux City Journal

Jim began shooting as he got closer to the crash site, using the same camera and tape that held such an important piece of video.

“The record deck was not working properly. It was stopping and starting on its own. All sorts of lights were flashing,” said Jim. “I started to smack the camera with my hand to see if that helped. It didn’t. I tried rewinding the tape and fast forwarding the tape to see if that would make a difference and it didn’t.”

In the chaos that followed, Jim radioed KTIV to tell them what he thought he had and that he was having problems with his gear.

“All this time, I didn’t realize how close I had come to erasing or taping over Dave’s historical video,” said Jim. “Dave would tell me later that he wasn’t sure he had gotten the video because his deck was acting up. When the video got back to the station, they had to dub it over to a one-inch reel to play it. By the end of the day, the whole world would see that video. Robert Hager, reporter with NBC who covered all the big plane crashes, told me and others at the time that it was one of the most important pieces of video in aviation history. This was long before cell phone videos and Go Pros; it was so rare to capture a major crash on tape. I’m sure United and other companies learned a lot by watching that video.”

Jim spent the rest of the day and night there at the airport, shooting interviews and field producing coverage of the crash for KTIV.

Photo by the Sioux City Journal

“We weren’t used to covering a story of such magnitude, and it was a story that kept expanding,” said Jim. “The survivors, the families, the investigation, the community reaction and endless personal stories of people impacted by the crash.”

Click here to watch KTIV’s look back at Flight 232.

We know now that United Flight 232, originally scheduled from Denver to Chicago, suffered catastrophic failure of its tail-mounted engine, which led to the loss of all flight controls. 296 people were on board; 112 died. Despite such unimaginable loss, many considered it a miracle 184 people survived. Many credit the flight crew and captain Alfred Haynes, who essentially landed the plane without conventional control.

The crash changed how we fly today; DC-10’s were modified with hydraulic fuses to prevent catastrophic loss of fluid. Experts use the flight as evidence why all children should have their own seat and be properly restrained. Researchers have also studied Flight 232 to see whether computers could control aircraft using the engines alone.

It also forever touched a young journalist who would eventually make his way to Omaha, Nebraska and the news desk at KETV. In his 28 years in TV News, Jim has covered officer involved shootings, the tragedy at Westroads Mall, tornadoes and mass snowstorms, serial killers and lengthy criminal cases; you name it, Jim has played a role in 20 years of coverage at KETV. Still, he says no story has had an impact on him like Flight 232.

“The fact that I witnessed the crash and was physically on site to talk with survivors and those involved in the rescue probably has something to do with how I feel,” said Jim. “I was in the field and felt the real impact of the story. You have to remember that 112 people died! That’s the greatest loss of life in this region that I know of. You had Captain Al Haynes, who with the help of his crew, made a miraculous landing, saving 184 people. An emergency response that would be a model for the world. An NTSB investigation that would lead them to find a cause to the crash. And for the first time, video of a DC-10 crashing, that would help educate pilots and engineers in the future. And of course, you would have a movie made about it, with Hollywood legends. It was, and still is the biggest story I’ve ever covered.“

“There hasn’t been a summer I don’t think about that day and the crash of Flight 232,” said Jim. “We have family and friends that still live in that area and we drive by the Sioux City Airport on our way. I know often times my first instinct is to look west at the airport and the location where the plane crashed, but I usually find myself looking east and into the sky at that spot where I saw that plane go over my head. It was so big and still so clear to me. It’s hard not to think about all those people on that plane and how just seconds after they went past me so many lives ended and so many other lives changed. I won’t ever forget it.”

Good Enough

Jul7

Anyone else watch Goonies this weekend? What a classic..

Goonies

And afterwards, I had Cyndi Lauper’s Good Enough stuck in my head for hours. AWESOME song 🙂

Quick question… are you good enough? It’s something I ask myself ALL. THE. TIME. Then guilt.. thinking I could be doing more as a mom, as a coworker, as a friend.

One thing I am trying to do that I truly think makes a difference, even a small one, is to highlight the positive things happening around me. One of my favorite educators, Papillion-La Vista Schools legend Chuck Johnston, gave me the idea for an A-Z compliment mission… go through your address book and tell 26 friends, A to Z, something great about them. Remind them of how important they are to you and how awesome they are.

I’d like to take it one step further on this blog and highlight great people doing great things in our community. Do you know someone? Maybe it’s a woman like Lucy O’Hanlon, a newly retired NICU nurse who cared for THOUSANDS of babies at Children’s Hospital and Medical Center over the course of 40+ years. When we shared Lucy’s story, we were inundated with posts and messages about experiences with Lucy. Parents shared how Lucy sat with them and just let them cry. Nurses who watched Lucy spend every moment of her shift rocking or cooing sick, tiny babies. I imagine the NICU can be a lonely, scary place if you are a parent or a sweet newborn.. Lucy helped make it warm, welcoming, and safe. Imagine what the world would be like if we had more ‘Lucy’s?

I am asking all of you who read this blog (and again, THANK YOU for reading!) to tell me who is the ‘Lucy’ in your life? Who always goes out of their way to make your day brighter? Who gives of themselves selflessly to make life better for someone else? Who deserves to be recognized for making the world a better place?

In honor of Major League Baseball’s announcement of this year’s All Star Team yesterday, I’ll kick things off with two local All Stars…

Millard North’s Jack Wilson

and Millard West’s Joe Charvat

Jack and Joe are recent graduates of their respective schools and varsity baseball players. They are also outstanding kids who extend kindness to anyone they encounter, including my little boy, Easton. I can see in his eyes how cool it is to be friends with the ‘big boys’, and both Jack and Joe always go out of their way to yell ‘hi, Easton!!’ when they see him.

Thanks, guys, for making my kiddo feel so special. And best of luck to you in college this fall!! (Jack, we’ll be cheering for you at UNO!!)

***

positive

Special Feature, Miss Nebraska USA 2014

May8

“Who is Amanda Soltero.. and how do I meet her??”

Ladies and gentlemen, THIS is Amanda Soltero, Miss Nebraska USA 2014

..and NOW you know why my friend asked to meet her.

Jaw. Dropping. GORGEOUS. If ever there was a time for me to write a blog using only photos, this would be it.

STUNNING: adj. To astonish; astound; amaze: Her beauty stunned the audience.

(Photos courtesy of Rachel Imdieke, Fadil Berisha and Georgina Vaughan)

Believe it or not, Amanda seems to be just as beautiful, if not more so, on the INSIDE. The same weekend young women from across the state will compete for the title of Miss Nebraska, Amanda will be competing in Baton Rouge for the title of Miss USA. Today in a special feature, get to know Miss Nebraska USA, and find out why she wants your support representing our state.

***

First things first.. what’s the difference between Miss America and Miss USA? I think my fellow KETV anchor and pageant-graduate
Alex Hoffman put it best in saying these two organizations are the most prestigious, well known and respected in the pageant world. They are televised, have history on their side, and have thousands of participants nationwide. While many of the same young women compete for both, they are two different systems.

The Miss America Organization is a not-for-profit organization; The Miss USA/Miss Universe organization is a joint venture partnership between NBC and Donald Trump.

Women who compete for Miss America must be 17-24 years old; women who compete for Miss USA must be between 17-27 years old.

Finally, Miss America contestants compete in swimsuit, evening gown, interview and talent; Miss USA contestants do not compete in talent.

Miss USA Erin Brady and Miss America Nina Davuluri

***

Enough with the facts and figures… meet Amanda!

“I am determined to use my year to make a difference in people’s lives, especially children with cancer,” Amanda told me in a recent interview. “You get one year to be Miss Nebraska USA and even though I come from a small town (Columbus, Neb.), I know I can still make a big difference by using my title to do so! I want to show my state that I can make them proud by representing them in the best way and by truly making the most of my time with the crown, not just for all the glitz and glam.”

Just as each of the Miss Nebraska contestants have a personal platform of service, Amanda is focusing her year on spreading awareness of childhood cancer.

“Pediatric cancer research and awareness is very near and dear to my heart,” said Amanda. “6-year old Sammy Nahorny is a family friend of mine and when they started Sammy’s Superheroes, I knew I wanted to get involved.”

Sammy was diagnosed at 4-years old with Neuroblastoma, cancer that commonly affects the abdomen and adrenal glands and is very difficult to treat. Loved ones formed Sammy’s Superheroes to show their support and raise money for research; more than 10,000 people now support the cause, including Olympic Gold Medalist Curt Tomasevicz. Check out Sammy’s Superheroes online or on Facebook to learn more!

“When you see directly the effects childhood cancer can have on someone you care about, it really hits you hard and makes you want to help in any way that you can,” said Amanda. “I knew that if I won Miss Nebraska USA, I would be able to give a larger platform for Sammy’s Superheroes and really get the word out how desperately funds are needed for research to find a cure.”

Amanda recruiting Miss Arkansas USA, Miss Kansas USA and Miss Oklahoma USA to become Sammy’s Superheroes!

Amanda has also offered her support and time to Team Jack, the organization raising money to fight pediatric brain cancer in honor of Jack Hoffman. Jack and his dad, Andy, are good friends to KETV, sharing their story of Jack’s long battle with a brain tumor, his friendship with Nebraska football player Rex Burkhead, and the now legendary Spring Game touchdown run viewed more than 8.4 million times on YouTube.

I, too, have had the privilege of sharing Jack’s story, and the fight he represents. Team Jack has now raised more than 1.1 million dollars for pediatric brain cancer research, and has the support of tens of thousands across the country.

Click here to watch my story following up with the Hoffmans in the middle of Jack’s fight, as two other families lost little boys to brain cancer

Click here to watch my story about the ‘Year of Jack’ following the touchdown that touched America.

Click here to learn more about Team Jack online and on Facebook

Amanda and Jack at the first annual Team Jack Gala

“I know that the more people that hear and see where their money is going, the quicker we can find a cure!” said Amanda.

It is THIS, not the fancy photo shoots or glamorous trips around the country, that Amanda enjoys the most about being Miss Nebraska USA.

“The appearances I have gotten to do WITH Sammy have had the most impact on me and have been the most meaningful,” said Amanda.

***

While many state titleholders take a year off from school and full time work to focus on service and appearances, Amanda has not; she remains a student at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln and will graduate this weekend with a degree in Broadcasting.

Amanda reporting at a Nebraska women’s soccer game for the B1G Network

But make no mistake; Amanda says she is ready to represent Nebraska at Miss USA.

“I want to make the people of my home state proud and go out knowing that I did everything I possibly could to prepare and leave no stone unturned,” said Amanda. “I want to be a platform for the organizations that mean the most to me, and get others on board as well. I want to represent myself, my family and my state in the best light possible.”

Amanda and her family

Amanda will fly to Louisiana on May 25th, but she’s hoping to take Nebraska with her. You can watch the Miss USA pageant live on NBC June 8th at 8/7 Central, hopefully cheering loud enough that Amanda will be able to hear you 1,000 miles away.

“My hopes for the pageant are to show the world what Nebraskans are made of and to let people know there is more to Nebraska than cornfields and flat land,” said Amanda.

And there’s more to Amanda than a pretty face. This young woman is reshaping how children, families and Nebraskans think of ‘beauty queens’. Beauty INSIDE and out.

GO. BIG. RED. Represent, Miss Nebraska USA!

Connect with Miss Nebraska USA 2014 Amanda Soltero on

Twitter, Instagram, Facebook

on the Miss Nebraska USA website

and on Amanda’s blog

***

PREVIOUS POST.. Miss Alliance Staci Craighead

NEXT POST.. Miss Northwest, Alex O’Connor!

It’s Personal

Apr28

As journalists, we are ALWAYS searching for stories. Everywhere we go, we subconsciously keep our eyes and ears open. So it may come as no surprise that once in awhile, we come across amazing stories from the people we know ourselves.

Longtime KETV producer and friend, Jennifer Shatel and her family

Jennifer Shatel was a much-respected producer at KETV when I got my first internship. From the beginning, she was kind to me, included me in newsroom conversations, and gave me chances to write scripts and learn as much as I could. When I started reporting on-air, Jennifer was always very patient, yet always gave me constructive criticism to get better. When breaking news happened, or when a story fell through (or came up!) at the last minute, she was a model of control and made her newscasts look phenomenal, no matter what was going on behind the scenes 🙂 She’s continued to send me emails about my stories or well wishes throughout the years, even since she’s left KETV–you never forget kindness like that, especially from someone you so respect.

I was among the many here at KETV who were stunned and saddened to hear Jennifer had been diagnosed with breast cancer. No matter what stage, what the prognosis, you hear a friend has cancer and it SHAKES YOU. It was actually Jennifer’s idea to do a story.. to follow along on her journey and show others the decisions that are involved and the factors that play into those decisions. I’m IN AWE of Jennifer for allowing us to do this–to allow cameras and all of Omaha (and beyond) into such a private journey. She did–and I was honored to share Jennifer’s story last Thursday night.

You can watch it here.

If you’re a woman who has been through the same journey, hopefully hers is something YOU can relate to. If you were recently diagnosed, hopefully Jennifer’s fight has given you the hope or inspiration you need to keep going. If you know of someone who’s been through cancer, this is a great perspective as to what they might be going through. A story we get to hear, thanks to one woman’s courage to tell it. THANK YOU, JEN!

One week ago tonight, we shared another story that again I had a personal connection to. April is Autism Awareness Month; autism is a disorder I have a strong passion for dating back many years. As a teenager, I became very close to a family touched by autism. As a college student, Autism Awareness was my volunteer platform while I competed in the Miss Nebraska system. I met so many families and kiddos battling this horrible thing.. and all of these years later, we still know so little about this horrible disorder. We do know the numbers continue to skyrocket.. now ONE IN 50 according to the CDC. 1 IN 50!!

Every April, I try to find a story to spread awareness of autism. A family with twin girls; one autistic, one not on the spectrum. An AMAZING young woman, graduating with honors, friends and dreams, showing everyone she can do anything she wants despite her diagnosis. Omaha’s Robertson family, noted philanthropists, who have donated so much of their time and money to help families just like theirs (they have two sons with autism).

Hagen Schaefer, 4, Soccer Superstar!

This year, a beautiful mother named Ashley Schaefer contacted me about her son, Hagen. She wanted to get the word out about the treatment that has given them so much hope, and given Hagen a new life in his parents’ eyes. The Schaefers have greatly decreased certain processed foods and sugars from Hagen’s diet, and are also trying chiropractic work, all part of the DAN approach, Defeat Autism Now.

Watch Hagen’s story here

Watch the Schaefer’s story and see what you think! They’ll be the first to tell you, many people have had negative reactions about what they are doing, and as always, we present both sides in the story and let you form your own opinion. My hope is that for any parent of an autistic child SEARCHING for answers, here is one more suggestion that seems to be working wonders for this little boy in Fremont. A little boy who recently played in his very first soccer game. His mom Ashley told me, ‘this is one more thing we were told he’d never be able to do!’ And just look at how happy he is out on that field 🙂

***

Finally, a story I hope you tune in for tonight or watch on ketv.com sometime this week. A few months ago, my husband forwarded me an email from a friend of his, promoting a golf tournament to raise money and awareness for cystic fibrosis. I don’t know this friend well, but I was touched by his story; he and his wife are raising not one, but two beautiful girls with cystic fibrosis.

Presley, 17 months, Noah, 5, and Alexa, 7

If you’re a parent, you know how HARD it is to watch your child go through any illness. You’d trade places with them in an instant so they wouldn’t have to feel any pain or discomfort. For the Halls, treatments help and research is promising, but there is no cure for this horrible disease affecting Alexa, 7 and Presley, just 17-months.

Alexa is an absolute SWEETHEART. She is a very bright little girl; she let me interview her and her answers were very clear and well thought out–not always the case for a first grader! Her sister, Presley, is A DOLL. The epitome of CUTE CUTE CUTE!!! If she hadn’t already stolen my heart with her bright, blue eyes and plump cheeks.. she absolutely would have with her fish impressions! It’s not fair these two perfect girls have to stop what they are doing twice a day to put on vests that literally SHAKE their little bodies, to break up all of the mucus clogging their lungs. It’s not fair they have to take dozens of pills EVERY DAY to stay healthy. It’s not fair Alexa gets sick every few months because a little cold to any of us, is a major sinus infection with great risks for her.

Her parents, Wendy and Steve, have so much hope for the research going on right now.. trials they say could make a HUGE difference in the lives of their girls and thousands of kids across the country. But as with everything, it will take MONEY, DONATIONS to pay for that research.. and the Halls agreed to share their story to encourage people to help them get there. Sometimes it’s hard to remember all of the facts and figures behind a cause, but these literally girls are IMPOSSIBLE to forget 🙂

***

As journalists, we LOVE telling stories. When it’s something inspiring, something that might help someone else, something people will remember, it just makes our jobs that much better.

Choosing Love Over Hate

Apr18

A few weeks ago I posted about a daily project I try to add to at our house. Every day, I write down on an index card that date, and something that happened. Sometimes it’s something big, sometimes it’s something minor, someday I hope it’s a neat way my family can look back on our history.

Monday’s card simply reads…

2013: This was a very sad day in Boston.

In the coming years, how should I explain this entry to my sons? How has ANY parent explained such cowardly, horrific acts to their children?

Maybe I’ll show my boys this.. a recent post from my friend Molly Campbell. If she wasn’t already a brilliant lawyer, wife and mother.. I would spend every waking hour trying to convince her to write for a living.. she’s that good.

***

Dear Jack,

Yesterday when we got home from school, I pulled your daily report out of your backpack. I realized that I hadn’t read it since last week and that on Friday, you did something that you hadn’t done since you were a baby: you bit a friend. Now, you would have gotten in trouble for this on any day but yesterday especially, you were in the hot seat. I realize that a 3 year old’s attention span leaves a bit to be desired so perhaps it wasn’t my smartest move to make you sit with me for a good ten minutes, talking about love and hurt. I kept repeating the same things over and over, trying my hardest to ensure that you were truly listening and understanding what I was saying…why it is not ever okay to hurt someone else, no matter what you are feeling or what they did to you. By the end of the conversation, you were exasperated. You buried your head into my lap and wailed, “Mommmmyyyyy!!!! I won’t bite anymore! Mommmyyyyy!!!” I kissed your head and sent you back to help your daddy get ready for bath time. But I didn’t follow you. Instead, I just sat on that cold kitchen floor and thought about it all. I thought about how this world has changed so much from the place I thought it was when I was your age. I thought about how sad I am that you have to grow up here, in a world where hate has so much power to change things–to shake every day people from everything they thought they knew. And I thought about how helpless I felt over all of it.

Jack, I have had so many plans for things I wanted to teach you. I wanted to teach you to be hardworking and successful so that you would never have to worry about how you would pay your bills. I wanted to teach you to find someone who will make you happy the same way that your dad and I make each other happy. I wanted to teach you about all the things that will bring you a good life. And while all of those things are fine, yesterday I realized that if I can only teach you one thing, I will and I will teach it well. I will teach you love.

There is so much hate in this world. Virgina Tech, where people trying to make a better life for themselves were taken six years ago today. Aurora, where we lost your Crazy Aunt Jessi. Newtown, where parents lost their babies who hadn’t yet had the opportunity to grow up. Boston, where a day of triumph turned into a day of terror. And all of this, all of it because of hate. Jack, I will teach you that every single life is unique and precious. I will teach you that every single person is so very loved and has a network of friends and family who will find it hard to breathe without them. I will teach you that hurting other people and choosing hate over love does nothing at all to make you happier or feel more triumphant. I will teach you that the only thing that can truly combat and ease your fears is love. Child, all I can do is teach you love. And so I will.

Your mom is afraid. It’s hard to watch these kinds of things happen in our world and not be affected by them; not think about the possibility of it happening where we are. It’s hard to lose someone in this way and still think, “It could never happen to me.” or even, “It could never happen to me again.” I have spent so much of my life worrying. I worry about you and about your dad. I worry about my family and my friends. I worry about me. And the worrying has done nothing. It hasn’t stopped anything. And I realize now that I am absolutely, completely, devastatingly helpless over all of this. I cannot stop any of these terrible things from happening and that is just such a sickening feeling–to be sitting here, waiting for the next thing to happen, knowing that there is absolutely nothing that I can do.

But that’s not entirely correct, Jack. Because there is something I can do. Something that if every parent did, we wouldn’t be in this situation. So yesterday, I made a decision. Our family will choose love. We will not choose worry, it does nothing. We will not choose sadness, it does nothing. We will not choose fear, it too does nothing. Instead, we will choose to teach you how to love every single person you meet. Deep, sincere, respectful love. Maybe if someone had taught those other people about that kind of love, our world wouldn’t be where it is today. And maybe I can’t go back in time and teach them the things they should know but I can teach you, and you can teach your children and your children can teach their children. Because the one thing I know is that hate will not win. Love always, always wins. And it will win this time too.

Because all I can do is teach mine to love. And suddenly, I don’t feel so helpless anymore.

Love,
Mommy